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Enjoy the following
Stress Management Newsletter
By Debra Myers (Stress Management Consultant)
DebraMyers@unwrappingstress.com
How do you treat yourself when you want to change a behavior or habit?
Do you minimize the importance of your goal by saying, “Other’s needs are more pressing. My habit isn't that bad, or I really don't have the time.”
Are you eager at the start, but become distracted and lose interest?
Is it imperative that you start at the beginning of the year, beginning of the season, or require a specific time frame?
When challenged, do you become overwhelmed, easily discouraged, or run out of steam?
Conversely, do you negate the natural probability of obstacles and quit, because success is either minimal, short-lived, or too distant?
Whenever you progress along the way and find yourself faltering, are you relentless when it comes to missteps, or can you allow yourself to be forgiving?
Do you minimize the importance of your goal by saying, “Other’s needs are more pressing. My habit isn't that bad, or I really don't have the time.”
Are you eager at the start, but become distracted and lose interest?
Is it imperative that you start at the beginning of the year, beginning of the season, or require a specific time frame?
When challenged, do you become overwhelmed, easily discouraged, or run out of steam?
Conversely, do you negate the natural probability of obstacles and quit, because success is either minimal, short-lived, or too distant?
Whenever you progress along the way and find yourself faltering, are you relentless when it comes to missteps, or can you allow yourself to be forgiving?
These are just some the questions I have experienced and my Stress Management clients face, when confronting those beliefs and behaviors influenced by anxiety. Throughout this process of change, “the old school” tendency of perfectionism, guilt, and shame will only thwart any progress. Instead, allow for the opportunity to take a more easeful direction, and discover your habitual operating system when under stress. In other words, “be kind as you unwind.”
According to recent research at University College London, “It takes, on average, a minimum of two months for a new habit to become automatic.” The new habits formed during this study, however, were either tasks or exercises. Extra time and effort, on the other hand, would be necessary to overcome habits that are either subconscious, unacknowledged, or linked to a stressful situation.
Unhealthy behaviors/habits can be mired in resistance and rigidity or used as a means of escape. This pattern of unconscious tension restricts our muscles and emotions and lulls us toward desensitization and dullness. Under these circumstances, it may take intense discomfort in our body and difficulties in our life situations to finally get our attention. Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle refers to this phenomenon in his insightful course Transforming Suffering into Peace He proclaims,"To be human is to suffer. Whether it is brief annoyance or a life-altering cataclysm, everyone will encounter suffering—and yet, all of these painful moments contain an opportunity for awakening.”
Overcoming distressing conditions can be an impactful reason for shedding troublesome patterns to acquire higher-level habits. As an illustration of this perspective, I can attest to some unsettling situations encountered when traveling. One in particular was enduring severe turbulence during a flight in my previous occupation with the airline industry, then a month afterward being in a car crash. Whenever moderate turbulence occurred inflight, or an aggressive driver made an unexpected turn when driving, my panic and worst-case-scenario thinking took over. These circumstances only exacerbated my unacknowledged anxiety and over-reactive mind, which culminated later in ill health. Wanting this nightmarish cycle to cease, I needed a way to lessen my physical and emotional intensity.
A Mindfulness method over a period of time became a new lifetime routine to “dial down” my hyper-arousal and reset my response. Despite being triggered and panicked during challenging weather conditions inflight or when a car unexpectedly pulled out in front of me, with Mindfulness I first learned how to be an observer of my reactiveness. Physically, I could not sense my tense body, because mentally my rapid breathing reflected fatal scenes being played out in my mind. Incrementally, I employed a variety of Stress Management techniques that I continue to use today and share with my clients.
Through neutral observation, I became aware of how my muscles and breathing tensed when my emotions heightened. During driving, I began noticing if I had the sensation of my hands on the wheel, back and hips touching the car seat, and whether I was holding my breath. If I had difficulty sensing, I breathed out completely, taking a second to look at my hands on the wheel at traffic stops to re-establish sensory awareness. Being playful and still maintaining alertness, I would quiz myself as to whether I could still sense my hands, back, and so forth, without looking, and if I could allow myself to exhale and release my muscles. After being able to string along a few seconds of connection, I gently challenged myself to relax my muscles even more. I noticed the interplay of when I held my breath as the tension in my body grew, versus my thoughts of reliving bad experiences or being fearful of unexpected events. Slowing my breathing and softening my muscles not only ratcheted down the dramatic narratives in my mind while driving, but began to alleviate my feelings of anxiety.
My overreaction was not limited to my own driving; it also occurred if my mind projected a threat when someone else was driving. Unfortunately, in one such circumstance, I grabbed the driver’s arm as an overreaction and almost caused an accident. Even though someone else was driving, I learned that it didn't exempt me from practicing my Stress Management techniques. The upside of using suffering as motivation is that it can be used as a deterrent to self-sabotaging behavior when challenges occur.
As I became more adept at becoming calmer when driving, I was able to recognize this reactionary pattern in other aspects of my life that were anxiety-induced and wanted to shift. It can seem (during our growth), as if we may be progressing in one area of our life but regressing in another. Maybe in the past being tough, aggressive, or competitive kept you on track, but it wasn't long term and it wasn't pleasant. Nonetheless, if you want to rectify stressful behaviors, a non-threatening path is more persuasive in curbing these threat-protective reactions. Practicing Mindfulness nurtures our ability to be tolerant, empathetic, and understanding during our and others' “inner reconstruction.”
According to recent research at University College London, “It takes, on average, a minimum of two months for a new habit to become automatic.” The new habits formed during this study, however, were either tasks or exercises. Extra time and effort, on the other hand, would be necessary to overcome habits that are either subconscious, unacknowledged, or linked to a stressful situation.
Unhealthy behaviors/habits can be mired in resistance and rigidity or used as a means of escape. This pattern of unconscious tension restricts our muscles and emotions and lulls us toward desensitization and dullness. Under these circumstances, it may take intense discomfort in our body and difficulties in our life situations to finally get our attention. Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle refers to this phenomenon in his insightful course Transforming Suffering into Peace He proclaims,"To be human is to suffer. Whether it is brief annoyance or a life-altering cataclysm, everyone will encounter suffering—and yet, all of these painful moments contain an opportunity for awakening.”
Overcoming distressing conditions can be an impactful reason for shedding troublesome patterns to acquire higher-level habits. As an illustration of this perspective, I can attest to some unsettling situations encountered when traveling. One in particular was enduring severe turbulence during a flight in my previous occupation with the airline industry, then a month afterward being in a car crash. Whenever moderate turbulence occurred inflight, or an aggressive driver made an unexpected turn when driving, my panic and worst-case-scenario thinking took over. These circumstances only exacerbated my unacknowledged anxiety and over-reactive mind, which culminated later in ill health. Wanting this nightmarish cycle to cease, I needed a way to lessen my physical and emotional intensity.
A Mindfulness method over a period of time became a new lifetime routine to “dial down” my hyper-arousal and reset my response. Despite being triggered and panicked during challenging weather conditions inflight or when a car unexpectedly pulled out in front of me, with Mindfulness I first learned how to be an observer of my reactiveness. Physically, I could not sense my tense body, because mentally my rapid breathing reflected fatal scenes being played out in my mind. Incrementally, I employed a variety of Stress Management techniques that I continue to use today and share with my clients.
Through neutral observation, I became aware of how my muscles and breathing tensed when my emotions heightened. During driving, I began noticing if I had the sensation of my hands on the wheel, back and hips touching the car seat, and whether I was holding my breath. If I had difficulty sensing, I breathed out completely, taking a second to look at my hands on the wheel at traffic stops to re-establish sensory awareness. Being playful and still maintaining alertness, I would quiz myself as to whether I could still sense my hands, back, and so forth, without looking, and if I could allow myself to exhale and release my muscles. After being able to string along a few seconds of connection, I gently challenged myself to relax my muscles even more. I noticed the interplay of when I held my breath as the tension in my body grew, versus my thoughts of reliving bad experiences or being fearful of unexpected events. Slowing my breathing and softening my muscles not only ratcheted down the dramatic narratives in my mind while driving, but began to alleviate my feelings of anxiety.
My overreaction was not limited to my own driving; it also occurred if my mind projected a threat when someone else was driving. Unfortunately, in one such circumstance, I grabbed the driver’s arm as an overreaction and almost caused an accident. Even though someone else was driving, I learned that it didn't exempt me from practicing my Stress Management techniques. The upside of using suffering as motivation is that it can be used as a deterrent to self-sabotaging behavior when challenges occur.
As I became more adept at becoming calmer when driving, I was able to recognize this reactionary pattern in other aspects of my life that were anxiety-induced and wanted to shift. It can seem (during our growth), as if we may be progressing in one area of our life but regressing in another. Maybe in the past being tough, aggressive, or competitive kept you on track, but it wasn't long term and it wasn't pleasant. Nonetheless, if you want to rectify stressful behaviors, a non-threatening path is more persuasive in curbing these threat-protective reactions. Practicing Mindfulness nurtures our ability to be tolerant, empathetic, and understanding during our and others' “inner reconstruction.”
Be Kind During Your Process to Help You Towards Progress
- Your difficulties get your attention.
- They can be an opportunity to reset and establish a fresh start.
- When you are challenged, your threat response is heightened.
- Being Mindful is a non-threatening/kinder approach towards being aware.
- Sensory Awareness, Breathing Awareness, Awareness of the Thoughts
- Choose a way of new way of calmness versus the old way of chaos.
- Practicing in small amounts is less pressure.
- Inserting curiosity and playfulness keeps you interested and engaged.
- Forgiveness of yourself is a lighter way to travel towards your goal.
Are you open to feeling calmer & kinder,
as you
unwind stress habits?
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The reward to unwrapping stress
underneath the layers of stress, is the gift of our reset of peace available and accessible in the present moment. |